Fly- the idea of it fluttering in

For the first time, one almost did not want to add any words. A clean picture-post, blogging isn't that hard, in the 21st century. However one just had to scribble here, it was interesting looking at the images one was living with for the past few days.

There seem to be with every plus point, comes a minus point, in life. The mechanics of life.

+	-
The recess week	Pa was vomiting continuously for 10 days
Pa in hospital	My Baptism
The people around one's life	Maybe they are here for one to learn, and grab new things
The sense of overwhelm, like bury in a mass of something	One day, one was found by another schoolmate. This day, one was reminded of the study/travelling/mail buddy. One felt better at the long-termness of it
The long travelling hours, the drudgery	You, you, you, you, you, you, you. You know who you are :)
VD	The saturday- GFG, speaking of good words
A spiritual weapon	The very 1st prayer meet

Waiting for a week later. -. A solution found. Coming down complimentary. For every single week.

In time to come

What is a roommate like?

Someone who is in close parameters and catches the unawareness of you, someone who has to tolerate the unreasonableness in your antics, someone who is well-versed in your whereabouts and doings. You can't escape, from a roommate.

That is what it can, be.

I missed You before I knew you

I loved you before I know who you are. I missed you before I saw you. I died first, before you came into my life. How is this possible? Well-known sayings and maxims following a rule. Necessity is the mother of invention. Conventional wisdom, the flow of logic. Can it work the other way round? I miss you badly before I knew you if:

1. You represent the totality of what I lack. When I see you, I know it is just you. You are the immensely opposite attraction of me.

2. You are so great that until I got to know you, I know all the previous are missed. Without you, I am missing. In this case, it might be because the latter knows what the former needs, such as because I know you are lacking in (hydration), so I give you something to drink. Or it can just be a term of expression, to express how great you are. Because you are so awesome, it has led to a significant shock impact in my life resulting in me having to illustrate the dip I had before I met you. Or because the feelings are so strong, it is as if I will miss you, even if I don't know you.

3. The identification of you is already found. Such can be the feeling of emptiness, or it is already decided in the mechanism of us to miss things. So there is a natural tendency for us to reel to you.

Before one is filled, one knows how to shed. Before one learns to love, one goes on missing, filling oneself up first.

It can be said there was a voidness in our lives, before we found You. You loved us first, before we loved you.

A kingdom without boundaries

12 March, 2012

The many invisible, festering labels that is tagged onto us. Part daughter, part mother, part teacher, part student, part leader, part follower. And many many more. Splitting us, fusing us, liberating us, fragmenting us again. What which makes us so complex yet all such too similar creatures within. It is like reductionism to holism. Atoms, selfish genes, cells, vesicles, organelles, organs, prokaryotes/eukaryotes, organisms, species, populations, ecosystems, earth, universe, multiverse. Or on another level, humans, mentally retarded humans, chimpanzees, dogs, bunnies, chickens, goldfish, bees, mosquitos, mites, microbes, viruses, atoms. Like the multiverse, a completely unorthodox but nonetheless not a new school of thought, the ground of debate is definitely highly controversial and rife. Which brings about the ignition of post-humanism, where is the truth, exactly to draw the line, scanning from left to right and right to left?

It is the same lake of reflection with the ideals, insistences, and idiosyncrasies imposed on oneselves. The borders that draw us who we are, draw out who we are, tell us where we belong to to vibrate inside. We are this (border), so we stay inside and collide. But what if the border we are in is but another tethering edge of a gradation with an increment of a next, and a scalar value of a before before that? Oh no, so the border that we enclose ourselves in is but the tip of an iceberg, a mirage of a desert, an illusion within a much larger, astronomical space? So what is left, that we are in? A kingdom without boundaries.

Waking up with a silver time in one's mouth

One never really engaged in an alarm clock. It was routinely people, and not things which woke one up.

If there were a supernatural function, it would be the biological clock. For some days with a schedule to anneal to, one would set an alarm for the next day. For example 9.15, yesterday. Today one slowly faded into consciousness and into the morning's light, and upon first impression looked at the digital clock's parameters. 9.14. Another minute to activation.

It was the same yesterday. 9.10, when the clock was set at 9.12 a.m. So was the day before, 6.18, when the clock was 6.20. It was like instead of insomnia, there was this other physiological disorder.

More reason to =)

Grappling with words and the written, this new alphabet was stumbled upon. (This had not been a new issue already.) And almost, branching out into its own new criteria of terminology.

Still, it is a very neat way, in integrating nuances with text. No one would have thought of it except in circumstances where people are devoid of expression; like, doesn't words suffice? Redundancy in suffixes like it is a new slang, vestigial structures behind the units like it is accepted sub-culture. Squinting one's eyes here and there, throwing off balance here and there, now that is the way of communication. On plaine text.

From :), to ☺, to 3-D, then animated. Upon initial exposure, one was really awkward about it, immense calculation before the dissemination of 1 ☺. Together with the distribution of their frequency, the condition sufficient/necessary; delete it, or leave it? It was very rare for one to elute 1 ☺, on ongoing conversations or online remarks, of a virtual dimension in that sense.

It was not about the abhorrence towards "shallow communication", or finding no value in the ☺, total rejection towards it. As opposed to (oh tips toes, gushes, and breaths skippedly, waiting for the next words in a string of line). It was just with an interlaying factor added to writing, one has one more facet to delve in, and over-preoccupation until it becomes justifiable, and not fluidly like what messages should be.

Having come over, things are dealt more permissively. Tear down one's barriers;☺, :], :), use it when one feels like it. It is ok to intersperse with ☺s. Do not need to try too hard to come up with one's methodology. Its like with losing more of oneself, one gains a whole new world.

For some reason of sorts,☺ and :) has been used with such unrestrainedness, it is like a total release of one's energy. :)

Dates

Younger, one is just obsessed with the symbolic significances attached to the days. Or rather, more conclusively, the actual trickling of the day itself, until it has transferred to the physical signals bearing some of the remnants of the substance that passed- the numbers. Mathematics and data, hard ground things which should never had borne on oneself, one just can't find more meaning in them.

The spaces of the calendar being filled, so much so they are not singular anymore, scattered all over the place.

Recently, some things have happened which made them crowd and aggregate.

In numerical, not necessarily chronological order:

19/02-

06/03- If one could, one would post photos and photos of this day, every year of this day

05/07

07/07

27/07?

31/07

09/10

04/11

It is a hard fact, that it is increasing, there will never be a point of conclusion. It depends on how one decides to deal with them, irrevocably adhered to one's life.

For every day

On 23 Feb (Thu), one conceived this thought:

1. To read the Word everyday

2. To write, everyday

3. To make a sincere prayer at least once a day

So here this came. Not sure if things are achievable, but it comes to determine the sureness.

There might be more-than-one things one wants to do everyday; (daily basis), coming up with these (3) should be taxingly sufficient. I list, therefore I am. (Holidays ilist dramas, games, books, movies, anime, places, activities, etc). Finally, a-long awaiting, things are starting fruiting.

1. Which comes the my age-old question, "If your life was a movie, would it be interesting?" The question is why do we have to make it interesting. Do we remember Who are we making it for. Ever since one was twelve; or more accurately elevenses, before the Leaving School Examination, one knew how to tell oneself, "Treasure this." The first hour on Fri knock-offs, the start of holidays. Even if it is just the word "treasured" uttered upon (to oneself), it is considered done. What an endearing naive way to make sense of things, or of life, in view of that age. Also, that was the period of the penultimate My Life As a Movie; wandering conception actor, one, director, one, scriptwriter, one, cinematography, one, videographer, one. How interesting it is if life could be captured intermittently, on tape. Will one ever get to watch it (concurrently)? Which means watching oneself of on a clip that is watching oneself? Will the part be saved/wasted, anyway? Can one stop for a moment before playing? Now, grappling back from the inconceivability of this brainchild conceived at unimpressionable age; and the loss of it and the loss of it if it happened all the way until now, one has found the energy and 'seens' to reenact it elsewhere. No more milk-livered attempts at harboured diary entries, or flabbergast at how much tape has gone by without prompt action. And now one believes it all makes sense, because now there is a purpose for the watching.

2.And on the question again, "Will there ever be a conversation that will never end?" Technological era, mobile communication, apologies. The question that should never be answered. It is just a simple logic, how absurd it seems- reply, response. No reply, wait for reply, then respond. Like persevered daily routines, preserved activities. In this society where change is the only constant/the only constant is change. The limitless expansion of forever within the (every) day.